Hearing Jokes / Recent Jokes

God created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.

Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, "Let there be light", and immediately the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire: that he would obtain a building permit; and to conserve energy, would have the light out half the time. God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night". Officials replied more...

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."

A minister well known for his beautiful singing voice came home
visibly upset after consulting with a new widow about funeral plans
for her recently deceased husband. His wife asked him what was
wrong, and he revealed that the wife had asked him to sing her
husband's favorite song, "Jingle Bells," at the funeral.

He was troubled that it wasn't appropriate to the solemn occasion.
He struggled and prayed about it, and finally decided to honor the
grieving widow's wishes.

At the funeral, still sensitive about how some of the mourners
might react to hearing "Jingle Bells" at a funeral, he carefully
introduced the song with words about appreciating the sense of
humor and lightheartedness of the deceased.

The widow had been very tearful during the service. Hearing the
introduction to her late husband's "favorite song" she sat up and
began to appear quite interested. As the more...

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4: 30 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have the y got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? more...

Being a little nervous about hearing confessions, the new priest asked an older priest to sit in on his sessions. After hearing a few confessions, the older priest asked him to step out of the confessional so he could give him a few suggestions.
"Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand," the older priest suggested.
The new priest did as suggested. Again the older priest took him aside.
The older priest said, "Try saying things like, I understand, yes, I see, continue, how do you feel about that?"
The new priest again did as suggested.
After the new priest's sessions were completed, the older priest said to him, "There now, don't you think that was a little better than chuckling, slapping your knee and saying, 'No shit, what happened next?'"

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuers file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that youre ready to go home. Im only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didnt kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Saddam Hussain Visits God And Asks Him: " God When Shall I See The Defeat Of George Bush? " God Replies:" Son, You Will Not
See It In Your Lifetime. " Hearing This, Saddam Hussain Starts Crying And Goes Away. Gen Parvez Musharaff Visits God And Asks
Him: " God When Shall I See The Capture Of Kashmir By Pakistan?" God Replies: " Son, You Will Not See It In Your Lifetime."
Hearing This, Gen Parvez Musharaff Starts Crying And Goes Away. Laaloo Yadav Visits God And Asks Him:" God When Shall I See
Bihar Becoming A Prosperous And Happy State? " Hearing This, God Starts Crying. Laaloo Is Astounded And Asks: " God, Why Are
You Crying? " God Replies: " Son, I Will Not See It In My Lifetime"