Heat Jokes / Recent Jokes

One hot, dusty day, the Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town and head for the first saloon they see, where they tie up their trusty steeds and go in for a cold one.
Some time later, a stranger enters the saloon and asks, "Who owns the white horse tied up outside?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger says. "Why do you ask?"
"Because it's collapsed and looks like it's dying," replies the stranger.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside to check on Silver.
"He's probably just suffering from heat exhaustion," the Lone Ranger says. "Tonto, why don't you run around Silver for awhile to help keep him cool."
The Lone Ranger goes back into the saloon. Half an hour later, another stranger walks in and asks, "Who owns the white horse out there?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger replies. "What's the problem this time?"
"Oh, no problem," replies the stranger, more...

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with more...

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of
the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The
oven will calculate the more...

Chocolate Chip Cookies:Ingredients:1. 532.35 cm3 gluten2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4.9 cm3 refined halite4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to more...

Instructions for Microsoft's TV Dinner:
First, you must remove the plastic cover. In doing so, you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner as this would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights. However, you may allow others to smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Now, set the oven using the following keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner which are found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking, then press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and more...

Little Johnnie wants to take his dog Fluffy for a walk. He asks his mother who replies "No the dog is in heat". Johnnie looks at his mother and says," What does in heat mean?" His mother says very carefully so as not to confuse Little Johnnie, "In heat means she has gas." "PLLEEAASSEE!!!" cries little Johnnie. "Okay, but keep the dog on the leash the whole time, and be back in 10 minutes." Little Johnnie leaves with dog in tow and comes back 10 minutes later just as instructed, but without the dog. "Where's Fluffy" mother asks. "Oh, she ran out of gas a couple blocks back so the other dogs in the neighborhood are giving her a push home.

Chocolate Chip Cookies:Ingredients:1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the more...