Heat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that missy was in heat.
“What is heat? ” Mom said go ask your Dad, he is outside working on car.
Angela goes outside and ask her Dad if she can take missy for a walk, her Mom had said no, that missy was in heat. “What is heat Dad”?
Go get the leash and bring her here. She goes and get missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swips her bottom with it.
Now you can take her around the block one time. Angela goes down the street and comes back shorty with the leash and no missy. Dad says “where is missy? ”
Angela said “missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street.

The United States is currently in the grips of one of the worst heat waves ever recorded. You know the heat is bad when you see some of those Minutemen dudes hiring Mexicans to do their yardwork.

Chocolate Chip Cookies: Ingredients: 1. 532. 35 cm3 gluten2. 4. 9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4. 9 cm3 refined halite4. 236. 6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177. 45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116. 177. 45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117. 4. 9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9. 473. 2 cm3 theobroma cacao10. 236. 6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the more...

There was a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Antarctica. The bride asks her husband to gather berries; the husband asked, "Why do you want berries; we are in Antartica?" She replied with, "I was just wondering if you would and if your penis shriveled, because my nipples are hard and if your penis does shrivel, I can heat it up in my vagina when you got back."
The husband ran out looking for berries. When he came back she asked, "What took you so long?"
He then said, "Can we fuck now or what?"
She said as long as you're not frost bit."
So they went up to their room and started kissing furiously; the next thing he knew, she was giving him the greatest head he had ever gotten. Then he laid her down on the bed and the heat of his breath on her thighs made her moan. Then they started making love furiously, all of a sudden someone bursts through the door and said, "Honey, why are you fucking my twin?" she was more...

During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U. S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $1 million U. S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

Little Johnny asked his mom if he could take their dog for a walk. The mother said, "Honey, I don't think that is such a good idea because the dog is in heat".
Little Johnny wanted to know what that meant. The mom wanted to avoid the subject so she told him to go ask his daddy if he could take the dog for a walk. Little Johnny found his dad in the garage and asked him about taking the dog for a walk. He said "That is probably not a good idea because the dog is in heat".
So, he asked his dad what that meant. The father really didn't want to explain so he got some gasoline and smeared it all over the dog's hindquarters and tail. He said "There, now it should be okay for you to take the dog for a walk".
About an hour later, Little Johnny returned home but he didn't have the dog with him. When his father asked where their dog was, Little Johnny replied,
"Oh, I guess she ran out of gas but don't worry, there's another dog pushing her more...

A redneck cowboy rides into town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and dog under the shade of a tree and goes into the bar for a cold beer. About twenty minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy tells him that its his. The policeman says, "Your dog is in heat."
The redneck cowboy answers, "No way the dog's in heat; he's cool cause he's tied under the shade of the tree."
The policeman says, "No! you don't understand, your dog needs to be bred."
The redneck sowboy shakes his head and says, "No way dog needs bread, he's not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning."
The policeman finally gets mad and says, "Look, your dog wants to have sex."
The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, "Go ahead; I always wanted a policedog!"