Heavy Jokes / Recent Jokes
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent. To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Too light for heavy work and too heavy for light work. Treat people as if they are what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being. Trust everybody…then cut the cards. Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good. Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance. Two heads are more numerous than one.
A Day at the Horse Races
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
6. Clean Sheets
2. Bare Belly
7. Thighs
3. Silk Panties
8. Big Johnson
4. Conscience
9. Heavy Bosum
5. Jockey Shorts
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark
It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish Its Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. more...
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shovelling."
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.
He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!?"
The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese more...
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shovelling."To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."He then says "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of sand is untouched.He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it!?"The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel. The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did lad, but I counna get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I counna more...
I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
Judge: Did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: Yes, my Lord
Judge: Why?
Wife: Because the table was too heavy to lift!