Heavy Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate.Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car.Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.Q: What is the difference more...

there were two twins, Elikem And Stephen. They liked to fool to people and laugh at them as their hobbies.
One day, they met a man called Majibo. A very big headed man with a big body a heavy black boo.
They started to laugh at him.
Then Majibo shouted to his friend to catch him.
This is what ensued between the twins and MAjibo when they were broight to him.
Majibo: Why did you boys laugh at me
The Twins: We were not laughing at you but your black heavy boo and body
Majibo: ok, come over here
majibo called some of his friends to call them and he said that they should be naked right away.
The Twins: why are you doing this majibo, dont you have some of our boos.
Majibo: do you want to see it??
The Twins: yes of course
the majibo removed his boo and he used his kortie to beat them until they bevame fat as him.
by:
Emmanuel and Abideen

Dear Son,
I am writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happened within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took
the numbers with them for their next house so they won't have to change their address. Wish I had thought of that.
This place has a small washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
It only rained twice this week - three days the first time and four days the second.
The coat you wanted me to send you; your aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Don't tell anyone.
We got a bill from the funeral home, said we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill; up she comes. Lucky we have a spare bedroom in the new place. We more...

Hello, my name is _____ _______ and I have a thinking problem.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "I like more...

Dear Son:
I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when' you left. Your dad read in the paper where the most accidents happen within twenty mile of home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Kentuckian family that lived here took the number with them so the wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day 1 put four shirts in it, pulled the chain, and haven't seen'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time. and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said It would be a little to heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons on, so we cut`em off and put`em in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandmas funeral bill, up she comes. Your father, he has a lovely new job. He has over 500 men under him. He's cutting grass at the cemetery. Your sister had a more...

Dear son,
I'm writing this letter slow cause i know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put your shirts in it, I pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send you? Your Aunt Maybelle said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home saying that if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
Your Uncle Luke fell in to the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off bravely so he could drown. He burned for 3 days after we cremated him.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup, Arlo was driving more...

Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a more...