Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.
Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500, 000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32, 000. Are you ready?"
Pam: "Yes."
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it
A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."
Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."
Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"
Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a
Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."
Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) more...

*ring* *ring*"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated, "Hello?""I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom," a male voice whisperedhuskily, "... undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you untilmorning.""Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell all that from two hello's?"

Hello you have reached the Smith residence. All of our operators are busy. Your call will be processed in the order it was received. (Annoying music...) Due to a large volume of calls, all of our operators are bu... (Ringing phone.) Hello, we're sorry were not home right now, so please leave your message after the beep.

10,000 years from now Aliens will land on Earth and ask why no one got there "We're Coming" message. It is discovered that the Aliens had posted it to alt.test and no one saw it. Aliens laugh at SETI at Home idea as akin to reading tea leaves.
Hello! The SETI project is a scam. It is run by the NSA to use the massed CPU cycles of the first world to break people's PGP passwords via brute force attacks.
Opps! Sorry, but two years from now the SETI people will announce there was a bug in their software and you'll all have to start over.
The major American TV networks will launch a similar project in which the world's PC's will be harnessed to cull through archives looking for a plot, or even a punch line, they haven't used eight hundred times before.
SETI project is revealed to be part of Intel/Microsoft plot to gain access to computers of a segment of the population that traditionally not fallen for the free AOL account trap.
Well, if if you're looking for more...

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy." A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter." "That's right!" she coaxed. Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

One night my father woke himself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in his dream. As the next day came and went, Dad thought the nocturnal outburst was his alone to remember. But that night, as he and Mom were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Vy?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted more...