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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, more...
What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I`m sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT & T, and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
AT & T: Hello, this is AT & T....
Me: Is this AT & T?
AT & T: Yes, this is AT & T....
Me: This is AT & T?
AT & T: Yes. This is AT & T....
Me: Is this AT & T?
AT & T: YES! This is AT & T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT & T: This is AT & T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting.
Me: more...
Here I am at Camp Grenada. Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining. I went hiking with Joe Spivy. He developed poison ivy. You remember Leonard Skinner; he got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors, hate the waiters, and the lake has alligators. And the head coach was no sissy, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses. Now I don't want this to scare ya. But my bunkmate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy... They're about to organize a search party.
Take me home, oh mother, father. Take me home, I hate Grenada. Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear. Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with other boys. Oh please, don't make me stay! I've been here one whole day.
Dearest father, darling mother, how's my precious little brother? Let me come home if you miss me. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me...
Wait a minute... It stopped more...
Here I am at Camp Grenada. Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining. I went hiking with Joe Spivy. He developed poison ivy. You remember Leonard Skinner; he got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.All the counselors, hate the waiters, and the lake has alligators. And the head coach was no sissy, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses. Now I don't want this to scare ya. But my bunkmate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy... They're about to organize a search party.Take me home, oh mother, father. Take me home, I hate Grenada. Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear. Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with other boys. Oh please, don't make me stay! I've been here one whole day.Dearest father, darling mother, how's my precious little brother? Let me come home if you miss me. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me...Wait a minute... It stopped raining! Guys are biking. more...
"Hello, Ginger!" Her brother called cheerily to his sister.
"Don`t call me Ginger!" she snapped furiously. "My hair is the color of gold."
"Yeah," he replied with a jeer, "twenty-two carrots!"
So I have this great knock knock joke for you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hello?
Hello who?
Hello?
Hello who!!?
Oh Hi?
Hey, I have this great knock knock joke for you!
Okay knock knock.
Who's there?
Hello?
Who's there!!!??
The door slams.
Knock knock. Ding Dong.
Fine.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello!!!?
A CEO has his business going well, but he's a bit worried. He decides to check the competence of his employees.
The first person he meets is his assistant:
- Oh Miss, I'd like to ask you just a quuestion. How much make 2+2?
- Yes Sir. Do you want a detailed memo oon that?
- No, just answer the question.
- Well, I think it's 4.
Then he goes to the computer tech:
- Hi John! Just a question. Can you telll me how much make 2+2?
John runs Excel, and after five minutes answers:
- It is 4. 00 E+0, but I'm not sure, the support staff should come tomorrow. Will I ask them to check it?
Then he goes to the accountant:
- Hello mister, can you tell me how muchh make 2+2?
- Well, well, I know I'm late. I'm sorryy. I didn't already collect all the data, neither check all the accounts. But I can estimate it now between 3. 196... and... let's say... 5. 659. But I'll be able to make a much more accurate estimate within two more...