Hello Jokes / Recent Jokes
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Adrian Johnson! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Johnson's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
The phone rings at Johnson's house. "Hello?"
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."With that the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?""See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy
with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."The father dialled the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father."Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and
I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver more...
Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried...but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer...
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away... "Hello - we're all down here...."
The phone rings at KGB headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this KGB?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, and swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.
The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.
"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"
"Yes."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yes, they did."
"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."
The phone rings in the Principal's office at a school.
"Hello, Rosewood Elementary School," answers the Principal.
"Hello. I'm calling to say Billy won't be able to come to school all next week," the voice replies.
"I see," the Principal says. "Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We're all going on a family vacation," the voice explains. "I hope it's all right."
"I suppose that would be fine," says the Principal. "May I ask who's calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!" the voice replies.
ABC Stock reaches $155. $155 for a stock that should be valued at $100. Wow!!!!
That's it I say to myself. It's time I make that decision that all longs consider at one time or another. I am going to short my first stock. I am thinking to myself "This stock is overvalued. It can't sustain these levels. This is money in the bank. Guaranteed baby!!"
I phone my broker.
"How can I help you Mr. Junkie."
"I want to place a trade. I want to short 1000 share of ABC." After a few seconds he says,
"I am sorry Mr. Junkie. I can't process that for you. Your account is a cash account. You need a margin account to short a stock. I can send you the application or you could go to your nearest financial institution to fill out the forms."
I head out the door the minute I get off the phone because time was a wasting and as they say time is money. I run into the financial institution fill out the form and have a taxi deliver it more...