Help Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. ”We will do it” means “You will do it”
2. ”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
3. ”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”
4. ”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow! ”
5. ”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
6. ”There was a slight miscommunication” means “We had actually lied”
office-management-fundas
7. ”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means “I have no time now, will talk later”
8. ”We can always do it” means “We actually cannot do the same on time”
9. ”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time. ”
10. ”We had slight differences of opinion “means “We had more...

Sardarji went to a logic school to learn logic. "To begin with, I'll explain you the term logic with the help of an example," the Professor said.
"Do you have a fish pond?" asked the Professor.
"Yes," said Sardarji.
"This means you love fish," the Professor continued.
"Yes."
"That is you love water."
"Yes."
"Everybody drinks water, meaning you love everybody."
"Yes."
"This means you love a boy."
"Yes."
"So you love a girl."
"Yes."
"If you love a girl, then you are a boy."
"Yes, I am a boy."
"And if you are a boy, you are not homosexual."
"Yes, true, I am not a homosexual," said Sardarji.
"So this is the logical relationship between a fish pond and homosexual," the Professor ended.
That night Sardarji could not sleep more...

"Can you help me? asked Alice."No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative. She pointed the other way. "Yes," said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference." Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down. Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her more...

The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate: This fire help. Me Groog Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work. You have flint and stone? Ugh You hit them together? Ugh What happen? Fire not work (sigh) Make spark? No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday. *sigh* You change rock? I change nothing You sure? Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire, right?

Are you tired of all those mushy 'friendship' poems that always sound good but never even come close to reality? Well, finally, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself!
Friend,
When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
v
When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is that is choking you.
When you smile... I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick... stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge 'til the end. Why you may ask? more...

I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied,' I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?'' Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.' No, just this remote' thingy,'' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,' Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk.'

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Tech Support:' What does the screen say now.'

Person:' It says,' Hit ENTER when ready'.'

Tech Support:' Well?'

Person:' How do I know more...

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldnt help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldnt help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"