"A real friend..." joke

Are you tired of all those mushy 'friendship' poems that always sound good but never even come close to reality? Well, finally, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself!
Friend,
When you are sad... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
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When you are blue... I'll try to dislodge whatever is that is choking you.
When you smile... I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared... I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused... I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick... stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge 'til the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend!
REMEMBER: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body!!
Send this poem to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.