Herself Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the third day I was dust, ordinary common dust like you see on a country road in a dry spell, nothing expected of me, me expecting nothing neither.
On the sixth day he comes along and blows. "In my own image too", he says, like he was doing me a favor.
Sometimes I think if he'd waited a million years by then I'd been tired maybe being dust but after only two, three days, what can you expect? I wasn't used to being dust and he goes and makes me into Man.
He could see right away from the expression on my face I didn't like it so he's going to butter me up. He puts me in this garden only I don't butter.
He brings me all the animals I should give them names What do I know of names? "Call it something," he says, "anything you want," so I make names up lion, tiger, elephant, giraffe - crazy but that's what he wants.
I'm naming animals since 5 AM, in the evening I'm tired I go to bed early, in the morning I wake up, there she is sitting by more...

A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.
Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, 'Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move.'
The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model.'
Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.
The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, 'I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back.'
The blonde replies, sweetly, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model' - and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, more...

How do you know a blonde has tried to kill herself? By the bullet holes in the mirror.

A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree, so she gathered together a few ropes and walked into the woods. When she got there she tied the ropes around the tree, and then around herself.
A few minutes later, a man walking his dog through the woods came across the blonde. He asked,

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and was eager to help the students. One day during recess, she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
Sandy approached and asked the girl if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed that the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling that she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

There was a blonde that was tierd of her life so decided to hang herself. So as a guy walked by and saw her hanging by the waste, and asked her what she was doing. She said that she was trying to hang herself. So the guy then asked her, "shouldn't you be hanging by the neck instead of the waste?" The Blonde replied, "Well, I tried that, but then i couldn't breath."

231. Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on? Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
232. What about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man.
233. There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too more...