Hey Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices. 2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts. 3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock.... one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!! 5. Ummmmmm.... Sorry......(silence) 6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff).... uhhhhh.... we have to go back. ... we. . we. ... uhhhhhh. ... forgot something..... 7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. 8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal more...

Woody: “What’s shakin’ mister Peterson? ”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins. ”
Woody: “How’s it goin’ Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearin’ Milkbone underwear. ”
Woody: “Can I draw you a beer Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “I know what they look like, just give me one. ”
Woody: “What’s goin’ down Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “My butt on that stool. ”
Norm: “I’m the ideal weight for someone 10 feet tall. ”
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach…. Of course, beer is my life.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, more...

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)
Hal Jalikakick (How'd ya like a kick)
Hammond Eggs (Ham and Eggs)
Hank E. Panky (Hanky Panky)
Harmon Ikka (Harmonica)
Harris Mint (Harassment)
Harrison Fire (Hair is on Fire)
Harry Balzac (Hairy Ball Sack)
Harry Weiner (Hairy Wiener)
Hayden Seek (Hide & Seek)
Haywood Jablowme (Hey, Would You Blow Me?)
Haywood Jashootmee (Hey Would You Shoot Me?)
Hein Noon (High Noon)
Helen Back (Hell and Back)
Helena Hanbaskett (Hell In A Hand Basket)
Henador Titzhoff (He Gnawed Her Tits Off)
Herbie Hind (Her Behind)
Herb E. Side (Herbiside)
Herbie Voor (Herbivore)
Holden Mcgroin (Holding My Groin)
Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn)
Holly Wood (Hollywood)
Homan Provement (Home Improvent)
Homer Sexual (Homosexual)
Howard I. No (How Would I Know?)
Howe D. Pardner (Howdy Partner)
Hu Flung Pu (Who Flung Poo?)
Huang Annsaw (Wrong Answer)
Hugh Beeotch more...

There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hotsummer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bigbundle of wire." Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin' with that wire?" "Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here'schicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!""You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!""Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back atthe end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickenscaught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kidcomes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. "Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin' with that tape?" "Well, thishere ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catchme some ducks!""You can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer more...

Poor Billy is dating a rich girl and has no idea what to give her for her birthday, (as she has everything) as he tells of his dilema to his friend, his friend suggests that he tatoo her name on his sex organ. Billy goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the man her name is Wendy. When finished he looks down and sees.. "W Y" and says "Hey I said her name was Wendy"Man says "Don't worry shake it.". . . He does,. . and voila!- Wendy. He ties a ribbon on it and presents it to his girl.. . she is so happy that she invites him on a Carribean cruise. While in port at Jamaica in a disco he goes to the bathroom. While at the urinal a tall Jamaican stands next to him glances down sees "W Y" and says "W Y, huh?" Billy says oh! its my girlfriend's name, look (shakes it.. . Wendy)Jamaican says: "Ah good show man, Wendy, very nice." Billy looks at the Jamaican and notices his organ also says "W Y". Billy says: "Hey, wait a more...

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock.... one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
5. Ummmmmm.... Sorry......(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff).... uhhhhh.... we have to go back. ... we. . we. ... uhhhhhh. ... forgot something.....
7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone more...

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator." The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"Upset that he did not have a more...