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There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells "There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth."
The second professor says "No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot."
The first professor says "Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner."
The son says, gleefully, "Sure dad" and runs off.
The second professor not to be outdone says "Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave."
Sam says "OK." and leaves. The professors keep arguing.
Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the more...

A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun... Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' alright." Indian: shows extreme look of shock Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at Indian. Dog: "Yep" Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: shows look of disbelief Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Indian: extreme look of shock Cowboy: "Is this your owner? "pointing at Indian. Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me more...

    Stupid people should have to wear signsthat just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? Youwouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind. I didn'tsee your sign."
    It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comesover and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once ortwice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
    A couple of months ago I went fishingwith a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big' ol stringerof bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?""Nope - talked' em into giving up. Here's your sign."
    I was watching one of those animal showson the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's onlyone way to test it. more...

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to the pearly gates together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen." St. Peter was fretting, "Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back." Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for' em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. I'll owe you one." Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. BUT..... Two days later... "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and more...

Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisanna, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, "Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!" Aint dat grand!!

Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter!" She a pretty lil ting, too....

Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Bubba, you just had youself another boy!

When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to more...

A young French city slicker decides to have some exotic experience and enlists himself in the Foreign Legion. Two months later he's sent to the most remote fort in the middle of the Sahara.
The first month is fun, with all the training. Of course, now he's concerned about the lack of women around the fort... He decides to ask one of the local how they manage with it.
"Hey, Mustapha! Stop shining your boots and tell me how you can get a good fuck around here."
"No problem to fuck... just use the camel!"
"What!! Maybe that's good for you but I need a real woman, you pile of shit..."
"Maybe you're upset but no other way to get a fuck around here..."
Of course the guy turns around and ends up waiting one more month before he gets to the point where he could fuck anything. He goes back to Mustapha, still shining his boots.
"OK, Mustapha, how do you REALLY get a fuck around here?" "
I told you... more...

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean. They all died and went to heaven together." Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back." Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for' em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, Two days later St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy more...