Hey Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That''s not good." and promised he wouldn''t say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."
A handsome young golfer was playing in his first professional tournament. At the end of the first day's activity, the novice was ahead, and a beautiful woman sidled up to him in the clubhouse.
"Say," she cooed, "do you swing as well off the green?"
Rising to the challenge, he took the girl back to his hotel room, and they made love, after which he rolled over and went to sleep.
"Hey," she shook him awake, "Tom Watsqn wouldn't give up so quickly!"
Mustering his energies, he made love to her a second time, after which he slipped off, quite exhausted.
The woman shook him again. "Hey, Arnold Palmer wouldn't give up so quickly!"
The golfer was getting some life back in his jaw, and, taking a deep breath, he made love to her yet again. When he was through, he fell asleep on top of her, too tired to move. She tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey, Jack Nicklaus wouldn't fade away like that!"
Angry more...
T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the trailor.
My sister woke up, while I was trying to nail' er.
The socks was all hung, on my big mounted bass,
In hopes that St. Leon would be hauling ass.
The young'uns bunked down, all snug on the floor,
Each one had a dip, so they slept near the door.
Sis in her 105 shirt, and her John Deere cap,
Looked purty as a naked silouhette on a truck mud flap.
When out in the dog pen, there arose such a clatter,
I got up from sis, to see what was the matter.
When what to my swollen red eyes should I see,
A pink Coup De Ville, 1973.
He staggered so much, I thought, "What was he on"?
And could I buy some of that, from old St. Leon?
All my dogs started barkin, he started to shout,
Dog's hate St. Leon, you figure it out.
"Hey Whitey, Hey Crackerboy", he called me by name,
So I called off my dogs, and hauled up the game.
When he stepped more...
Answers Given By Students To Test Questions On The Bible: The first book of the Bible is Guinessis. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. (I used this one alot when I was a kid... wait... I still do!)The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. (Used by Bill Clinton... Monica who?)Moses died before he ever reached the UK. (Lucky for him that is.)Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. (What... they launch their Depends at' em?)The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. King David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. (and still alive and residing in Hackensack, N. J.)Solomon had 300 more...
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.
Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropoli. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven' til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding.
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He more...
While standing in his field one day a farmer was approached by a little boy who asked, "Hey Mr farmer, I would like to get a bucket of milk from your Bull if you don't mind."
The farmer said, "Wait a minute son, you get milk from a cow not bulls."
"Not where I come from," said the boy. He goes away and comes back later with a bucket of milk.
The boy returns later saying, "Hey Mr farmer, I see you have a Honeysuckle patch at the end of your road, I'd like to get a bucket of honey if you don't mind."
The farmer says, "Wait a minute son, honey comes from bees not honeysuckles."
"Not where I come from", says the little boy. He goes away and returns later with the bucket of honey saying, "Thanks Mr farmer".
The farmer has a shocked look on his face as the little boy walks away. Shortly thereafter the little boy returns saying, "Hey Mr Farmer, I notice more...