Hey Jokes / Recent Jokes
Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
The ABSOLUTE WORST things to say to a police
officer:
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold
my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar
detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph
to keep up with me!. Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively
good physical condition to
be a police officer.
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to
finish high school instead.
7. Bad cop! No donut!
8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire
confidence.
10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on
Cops?
11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the
picture on my girlfriend's night stand.
12. Is it true that people become cops
because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
13. I pay your salary!
14. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
15. more...
Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, whats your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Paul: 120K. St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money? Paul: I was a lawyer. St. Peter: Thats great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name? Roger: My name is Roger. St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning? Roger: 60K. St. Peter: Hey, thats great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living? Roger: I was an accountant. St. Peter: Thats very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, whats your name? John: My name is John. St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died? John: About $23, 000. St. Peter: Hey, thats fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?
14. "Y'know, this new Crying Game Barbie just doesn't seem to be very popular."
13. "Hey, this is a piece of cake compared to some of the gigs I've had --
cookies for Keebler, clothes for Kathie Lee, shoes for Nike..."
12. "I don't care what Santa thinks -- these' Tickle Me Tripp' dolls are
downright frightening!"
11. "Just toss that broken toy in the barrel marked' Non-Christians.'"
10. "I'll build toys for the fat bastard, but shaving his back hair is where
I draw the line."
9. "Santa, we already make dolls that talk, walk, wet, cry, whatever... now
you want one that blows cigar smoke out of its *what*??"
8. "Please, Mrs. Claus, those batteries are for the children's toys!!"
7. "Hey, *you* try building a Playstation with nothing but antique Victorian
woodcarving tools, chubbo!!"
6. "I more...
Women's Snappy Comebacks: Man: ="Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man: ="Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore." Man: = "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down." Man: = "So, wanna go back to my place? " Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?" Man: = "Your place or mine?" Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." Man: = "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: = "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too." Man: = "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "I'm a female impersonator." Man: = "What sign were you born under?" Woman: "No Parking." Man: = "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" more...