Hick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.

'It's pretty good Pa. The food's not bad, the work's easy, but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning.'

A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground, he said to the farmer,' 'At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day.''

''Can't,'' replied the farmer.' 'At night I haul water for the hole.''

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket' bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked.

The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket' bout more...

A New York family bought a ranch out west where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.' 'Well,'' said the would-be-cattleman.' 'I wanted to call it the Bar-J, my wife favored the Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-LazyY.''

''But, where are all your cattle?''

''None have survived the branding.''

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says,' 'I want my $20 million.'' The man replied,' 'No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.''

The Redneck said,' 'Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.'' Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out,' 'Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!''

A visitor to Texas once asked,' 'Does it ever rain out here?''' 'Yes, it does,'' replied the rancher.' 'Do you remember that part in the Bible when it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?''

''Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood,'' the visitor said.

''Well,'' said the rancher,' 'we got two and a half inches during that spell.''

Dear Son

I am writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happened within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took the numbers with then to there next house so they wont have to change there address, I wish the I have thought of that.

This place has a small washing machine. the first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

It only rained twice this week- three days the first time and four days the second.

The coat you wanted me to send you; your aunt sue said it was too heavy to send it by mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Don't tell anyone.

We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill; up she comes. Luck we have a more...