Highway Jokes / Recent Jokes
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway - why are you going so slow? ”
Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65. ”
Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!
Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.
At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.
Cop: Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible.
Sister: Oh, we just got off of highway 119.
Teachers
Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20.
Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant.
As the policeman turn to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor. ..looking scared to death! He asked the driver, "What's wrong with them?"
The driver replied, "We just turned off Highway 105."
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars. 5. You drink pop, not soda. 6. You know what it means to be on pogey. 7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem. 9. You can drink legally while still a' teen. 10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices. 11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike. 12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars. 13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it. 14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't more...
A man and his wife were traveling in Texas. A highway patrolman pulled the man over for speeding. The cop came up to the car and asked to see the man's license. The wife who was hard of hearing said, 'what'd he say?' He said he wanted to see my license. The cop said you're from Ohio. The wife said what'd he say. The husband said I see you're from Ohio. The cop said the worst pussy he ever got was from a girl from Ohio. The wife said what'd he say. The husband said the cop thinks he knows you.
A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp with a genie. The genie promises to grant him whatever wish he wants.
"Okay," says the man, "I would like a highway across the oceans."
"Hrm," says the genie. "Is there anyway you could wish for something smaller?"
"How 'bout three Polish women with IQs over 90?"
"How many lanes do you want for your highway?"
Yo Mama is so fat the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign!