Highway Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Information Highway BluesMy baby's got my 486. My cellular phone's on the blink. My fax's gone off to fax heaven, And Pay For View stinks. I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues. I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues. I lost my account on the Internet. My email's been revoked. My modem's stuck at 300 baud, And my terminal just blinks. I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues . I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues. My head spins from Virtual Reality. I don't have Video on demand. I can't read my Personal Newspaper, And Shop At Home has kinks. I missed the on-ramp, to the Information Highway bluuuues. I missed the onnnn-ramp, to the Information Highway blues. Jack "Blues" Jung, Toronto, September 1994.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong? "I feel terrible, "he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns more...

Hopefully, all the humor-impaired and those who can't understand warnings have lost interest, so here we go with more Clinton jokes (offensive to Bill Clinton and his fans, Arkansas, etc.):
Did you hear they changed Highway 69 in Arkansas to the Bill Clinton Highway?
That's because it's real slick, real crooked, doesn't go anywhere, and it's got a yellow stripe down the middle.
Clinton went to Arkansas for a visit. When he returned, he was asked if he got any strange stuff while there.
"Sure did," he replied. Did you pay for it? he was asked.
"Why no," he answered,"Them hookers don't charge kin."
Clinton and Dan Quayle had a spelling contest.
Clinton lost because he thought "harass" was two words.
Q: Why is Hillary against sending U.S. troops to Bosnia or Haiti?
A: She's afraid Bill will run off to college again!
Q: Why did Clinton go to Russia?
A: He was homesick.

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol.
The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.
The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 m.p.h over the limit. At $12 for every m.p.h over the limit, plus $40 costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?
I replied, "Taking the total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be anywhere without teachers, I'd say zero."
He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he addmitted. "Please slow down."

One day a little old nun was going 35 miles an hour down the highway. The cop pulled her over because she was so slow and asked her why she didn't go any faster. She pointed at the sign that said highway 35 on it and said that was the speed limit. The cop corrected her and told her that it was highway35. The cop looked in the back and saw two scared nuns. He asked them what was wrong and they said, "We just got off highway 130!"

A man and his wife were traveling in Texas. A highway patrolman pulled the man over for speeding. The cop came up to the car and asked to see the man's license. The wife who was hard of hearing said,' what'd he say?' He said he wanted to see my license. The cop said you're from Ohio. The wife said what'd he say. The husband said I see you're from Ohio. The cop said the worst pussy he ever got was from a girl from Ohio. The wife said what'd he say. The husband said the cop thinks he knows you.

A man is driving down a deserted highway when he notices a sign that reads...
SISTERS OF ANGELICA HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES
Thinking it must be a figment of his imagination, he drives on without giving it a second thought. Soon, he sees a second sign which reads...
SISTERS OF ANGELICA HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES
Now realizing that these signs are for real, he drives on and passes a third sign...
SISTERS OF ANGELICA HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT LEFT
Curiousity getting the best of him, he pulls into the driveway. Beside the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a sign on the door that reads SISTERS OF ANGELICA. He climbs the stairs, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a long, black habit. "What may we do for you, my son?" she asks.
"I noticed your signs along the highway and am interested in possibly doing some business," he replies. "Very well," says the nun. "Follow me."
She leads him more...