Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat`s milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool; you`ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you`re talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It`s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.
A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband," said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband`s turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I`m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old. The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful should remember more...
Udurawana went to Colombo for official matter and called to his house over
phone. Servant had taken the receiver.
Udurawana: Who is speaking?
Servant: Servant Sir.
Udurawana: Where is the Madam?
Servant: She is sleeping with her husband in bedroom.
Udurawana: What? I am her husband came to Colombo today.
Servant: What can I do now sir?
Udurawana: Open the cupboard, pick the Gun, shoot both of them, come back
and tell me, till then I am waiting in the line."
After some time. .. there
come 2 shooting sounds. .. after that. ..
Servant: Yes, I did Sir. But what can I do next Sir?
Udurawana: Open the back door, throw both of them into the swimming pool
Servant: There is no swimming pool in our house Sir
Udurawana: What...? No swimming pool?
Servant: Yes Sir
Udurawana: Sorry, wrong number! !!!!!!!
I urgently needed a few days
off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought
that maybe if I acted crazy enough then he would tell me to take a few
days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the
ceiling & made funny noises. My co-worker (who`s blonde) asked me
what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,
"... so, that the boss will think I`m overworked and going nuts and
give me a few days off."
A few minutes later the Boss
came into the office, saw me hanging from the ceiling and asked,
"What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You`re
crazy! I can`t have you hanging around here like that. You`re
stressed out. Go on, go home and get some rest for a couple of
days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office. My co-worker (the
blonde) followed more...
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I `ll give you $800 to drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest more...
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answers the woman.
"We don`t have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."
The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50, 000?"
The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"
The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the ***** and the jerk she`s with."
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The man more...