Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."

She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks.

"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I`ll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"

The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th more...

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I`m so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I`m so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I`m off home to harass the cat."

Queen Elizabeth, Bush & Musharraf died & went straight to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5 minutes,
then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Five million dollars"
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bush was soo jealous, he starts screaming,
"My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes,
then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Ten million dollars"
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Musharraf was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Pakistan too,
I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody of more...

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

Newlyweds, Tim and Nancy, spent their wedding night at a hotel. The following morning, Nancy`s closest friend, Jennifer, came over and asked them how their wedding night went. "I`m so exhausted," Nancy said. "All night long it was up and down, in and out, up and down, in and out." Misunderstanding her, an embarrased Jennifer was shocked that Nancy would speak so crassly. Tim clarified by adding, "Don`t ever get a room next to an elevator!"

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Perfect! We `d like to register here for our wedding gifts."

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.


Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.


Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone


Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile


Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.