Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes
01. I get up at 6 a. m., no matter what time it is.
02. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
03. One woman`s hobby is another woman`s hubby.
04. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.
05. It`s what people don`t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
06. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
07. I`m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
08. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
09. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
10. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you`ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you`ll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man.
11. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance more...
There was once this guy who said:
Ha HA! This is the most hilarious joke in the world! So laugh idiots...laugh!
A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf. The man has a little dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up on its hind legs and walks around in circles. Amazed, the friend says, “Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt? ” “Somersaults, ” the man says. “Somersaults! ” the friend exclaims. “That’s incredible. How many does he do? ” “It all depends on how hard I kick him. ”
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, `Buk Buk BUK.` The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,` Buk Buk BuKKOOK!` The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, `Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!` The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit more...
Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who`s used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this more...
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone`s socks off with her youthful looks and charm. She hangs onto Bob`s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She`s my wife!" They`re amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."