"Facts of Life!!" joke

01. I get up at 6 a. m., no matter what time it is.
02. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
03. One woman`s hobby is another woman`s hubby.
04. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.
05. It`s what people don`t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
06. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
07. I`m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
08. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
09. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
10. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you`ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you`ll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man.
11. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore. ..
12. Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence - A Life sentence!!
13. Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
14. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
15. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
16. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
17. The 4 food groups: Fast, frozen, instant and microwaved