Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.

Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you`re doing?"

"I`m a chiropractor, and I`m just keeping in practice while I`m waiting in line."

"Well, I`m a lawyer, but you don`t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you`ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you`re talking to, dumbo?"
"No," replied the trainee.
"It`s the CEO of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day`s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can`t get out of the room!"

"You can`t get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says `Do Not Disturb`!"

A man was in New York`s central park, when a dog went wild and attacked a young boy.
The man was able to grab the dog by the neck, pulling it off the boy and choking it to death. A reporter for the NY Times comes to interview him, congratulating him on his act of heroism.
He suggests the headline: "New Yorker saves the life of a young boy!";
But, the man told him; I`m not from NY.
Ok, then how about: "American hero saves the day."
But, the man told him “I`m not American”.
Then, where are you from? Asked the reporter.
I`m from Pakistan, the man answered.
The next day the headlines read: "MUSLIM FUNDAMENTALIST STRANGLES DOG IN CENTRAL PARK. FBI INVESTIGATING POSSIBLE LINKS TO AL QAEDA"...

Englishman:
Throws his mug away and walks out

American:
Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese:
Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Pakistani:
Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Indian:
Accuses the Pakistani for throwing insect into his beer
Relates the issue to Kashmir
Asks the Chinese for Military aid
Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when an attractive blonde neighbor came out of her house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angered, she again stormed back in her house.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out yet again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it, and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked, "Is something wrong?"
"There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying "You`ve Got Mail."

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked,
"Are they relatives of yours?"
"Yes," his wife replied.
"I married into the family."