Hillbilly Jokes / Recent Jokes

West Verginian hillbilly
One afternoon the daughter of a West Verginian hillbilly asked her father if she could have some money for the dance.Her father replied well darlin you know what you got to do.The daughter replies daddy I ain't doing it I wont suck your dick.The father says no head no money.Fine the daughter says and walks away.About a half hour later she comes back and says fine daddy I'll do it.She goes down on daddy and comes back up spitting, daddy your dick tastes like shit.yea the father replies your brother wanted to go to the dance to.

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule.
He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife
began nagging him again.
Complain, nag, complain, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head and killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so more...

There was once a hillbilly who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it.
Suddenly he thought - "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am a hillbilly and make fun of me."
He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini."
Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you a hillbilly?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you a hillbilly or not?"
This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?"
The shopkeeper replied, "This is a more...

A hillbilly farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store.
"Heya, Wilbur," said Sam, the store owner. "tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?"
"You betcha, Sam. Ain't no' tother way. Why?"
"Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a' match'."
"'Match'? Never heard of it."
"Watch this. If you want a fire you just do this," Sam says, taking a match and striking it on his pants."
"Huh. Well, that's something, but that ain't for me, Sam."
"Well, why not?"
"I can't be walking twelve miles every time I want a fire and borrow your pants."

Two very drunk hillbillies were driving down a mountain road when suddenly they blew a tire, lost control of the car and went sailing over the cliff's edge.
As they plummeted downward, the hillbilly on the passenger side screamed hysterically, "Oh, my God, Clem, we're gonna die!"
"Aw, don't worry about a thing," Clem reassured him, looking below. "There's a stop sign at the bottom." The hillbilly was whitewashing the interior of his country outhouse and had the misfortune of falling through the opening. Standing knee-deep in shit, he hollered, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded to the alarm on the double, with tires squealing and sirens screaming as they skidded to a halt in front of the privy.
"Where's the fire?" called the chief.
"Ain't no fuckin' fire," replied the farmer as they hoisted him out of the two-holer, "but who the hell would've rescued me if more...

Letter Home From the Hillbilly in the Army

Dear Ma and Pa:

Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a. m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed gain. It aint no wonder these more...

What is the definition of a hillbilly virgin?
An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.