Hit Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the 2000 PGA Championship, Woods and Nicklaus were playing together. At the par-3 8th hole, Woods hit a 9-iron to ten feet. Nicklaus hit a 6-iron, his ball actually hitting Wood's ball on the green. He turned to Tiger and said. "Turn your club upside down so it looks like we both used the same club."

This fellow was walking down the street, when he met his buddy.
His buddy had two black eyes, so he said to him, "How did you get
those two black eyes?"
"Well, we were in church Sunday, and when we stood up to sing a
hymn, the lady in front of me had her dress stuck up in her buns.
So, being the gentleman I am, I reached down, and pulled the
dress free. She turned around, and hit me between the eyes," he
replied.
His friend said, "You mean to tell me that woman hit you so hard
it blacked both eyes?"
"No, said his friend, but when we stood back up to sing another
hymn, I tucked it back up in there for her."

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run.... run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run you bastard, r-run will you!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run you bastard, r-r-run will you!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run you bastard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

A man hit his drive behind a barn and could not see the green. His wife said, "I'll open the doors on both ends of the barn and you can hit the ball through the barn to the green." When the husband did this he hit his wife in the temple and killed her on the spot. About six months later the husband was playing golf with a friend and sure enough he hit his ball behind the same barn. His friend said, "I'll open the doors on both ends of the barn and you can hit the ball through the barn to the green." The husband said, "I don't think I can do this and anyway I hate this hole." His friend said, "It's not that hard and why do you hate this hole?" The husband said, after bowing his head, "The last time I played this hole I got an 8!"

A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight at him. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, is that correct?" "Yes, I am," he replied. St. Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?" The golfer replied, "You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue, standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis. The fire department came with a blanket and yelled to the Notre Dame player to jump. He jumped and they moved it to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.
They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. They said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department moved the blanket to the left. The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk.
Then they called to the Purdue player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back, “Lay the blanket down on the sidewalk, and then I’ll jump! ”

TWO MEN SITTING BESIDE ONE ANOTHER IN A BAR. THE 1ST MAN IS AN AVERAGE SIZE GUY WEIGHINGABOUT 170 LBS. THE 2ND MAN IS A HUGE FAT GUY WEIGHING ABOUT375 LBS. THE 2ND GUY ASKS THE 1ST GUY. "WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, DO YOU ALWAYS HIT BOTTOM?" THE 1ST GUY REPLIES, "IT DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN, HOW ABOUT YOU?" THE 2ND GUY REPLIES, "I ALWAYS HIT BOTTOM, NOMATTER WHO I'M WITH." OF COURSE YOU CAN'T HELP BUT TO HIT BOTTOM WHEN YOU "MASH IT FLAT".