Holiday Jokes / Recent Jokes

A truck driver was interveiwed after 40 years of truck driving
and his retirement party. They asked him one question that
really made him think.
"So, sir, after 40 years of being a truck driver, what is one
thing you have learned?"
The man took a deep breath and let it out and he sighed.
Finally, he replied.
"You learn a lot on the road. But what really struck me is one
thing. When you are driving on a routine 10 hour drive, you
realize, down the road somewhere is a truck, the same as yours,
the same size weight, and carrying the same load of
supplies---going the other way."

One day there were 3 mexicans(they do speak good english)
crossing the boarder. The cops pull them over and asked for
their green card. The first mexican said," We dont have any
green cards but is there any way we can get out of it." The cops
said,"If u can give me a sentence using green, yellow, and pink
I'll let u guys go." So he asked the first 2 mexicans and they
were all confused. The third mexcans said with his mexican
accent, "Sure i do it' The fone went green, green I pink it up
and say yellow'"

A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter.
In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The
contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin,
San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will
proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa,
Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and
on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that
reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate
your guns."
The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned
to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats
have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The
mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the
stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and
big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The
boy said that she did. She then said, "Tell your mother that
Southwest always pulls out on time."

How to tell a Democrat from a Republican during the Holiday Season
by John Carlson And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays: Republican say "Merry Christmas!" Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army. Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine. Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog. Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do more...

"When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch
your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your
language. Thank you."

And you thought you could tell Republicans from Democrats by how they vote. Not so! Just observe how they act during the holidays:
Republican say "Merry Christmas!"
Democrats say "Happy Holidays!"
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50 to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.
Democrats get back at Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes.

Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning
When toasting the Holidays, Republicans ask for sherry or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for egg nog.
When not in stores, Republicans use a catalog.
Democrats watch for "incredible tv offers" on late night television.
Democrats do a lot of their shopping at Cost-Co and more...