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After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
Enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a
cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a
beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man,
but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia
physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a
vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor
instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light more...

The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland. He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland. At the office he receives his mail with adhesive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England`s head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland. He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland. He has now been reminded too much of Scotland, and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - more...

This Story is true! For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you *don't* know! Now get this.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had written the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk more...

Blonde Joe was a handsome young man, but definitely not the brightest guy around. Each day when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Joe decided it would be in his best interest to walk a different route, but it would also be wise to take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again.
He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.
One day, on his way home from work, Joe confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there were the same three thugs. He walked up to them and the battle began.
The next afternoon, Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
His instructor was shocked and asked him what had happened.
"Well," Joe explained, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."
"So what happened?" asked his more...

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home, his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the 69 position.
The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
He Lived All Alone,
In A One Bedroom House Made Of
Plaster And Stone.
I Had Come Down The Chimney
With Presents To Give,
And To See Just Who
In This Home Did Live.
I Looked All About,
A Strange Sight I Did See,
No Tinsel, No Presents,
Not Even A Tree.
No Stocking By Mantle,
Just Boots Filled With Sand,
And On The Wall Pictures
Of Far Distant Lands.
ith Medals And Badges,
Awards Of All Kinds,
A Sobering Thought
Came To My Mind.
For This House Was Different,
So Dark And So Dreary,
The Home Of A Warrior,
Now I Could See Clearly.
The Warrior Lay Sleeping,
Silent, Alone,
Curled Up On The Floor
In This One Bedroom Home.
The Face Was So Gentle,
The Room In Such Disorder,
Not How I Pictured
A United States warrior.
Was This The Hero
Of Whom I'd Just Read?
Curled Up On A Poncho,
The Floor more...

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3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
11. Dinner Special - Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.00
12. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
14. We do not tear your clothing more...