Homes Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
"I want your secret. Tell it to me."
He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
"How do you do it, year after year?"
"I want to know how, as you travel about,
Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
"Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
He told that small boy more...

What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows!

What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U. S. statistics from 1905:

The average life expectancy in the U. S. was 47 years.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U. S. had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8, 000 cars in the U. S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California.

With a mere 1. 4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average wage in the U. S. was 22 cents an hour.

The average U. S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U. S. took place at more...

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal
(Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software)
Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then it's only a small step to the rest! For example: As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.
You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie nieghborhoods, have probably less than the average (and don't forget DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while families with 748 starving children that they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that 15% of homes down a few percent.
You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more more...

A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there, she meets
Peter at the pearly white gates.
Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you an orientation first."
So, Peter takes her to some beautiful mansions. The teacher asks,
"Who lives here in these beautiful houses?"
These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get a
nice mansion," replied Peter. Peter takes the teacher to some more
mansions. These were more magnificent than the first.
"Wow, who lives here?"
These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good on
Earth but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."
Peter took the teacher to some more mansions. These were the most
gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They had huge columns,
well-manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows; the works!
"These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen," more...