Cancer Jokes

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Fred had not been feeling well, so he went to his long time doctor.
The doctor did some tests and walked back into the room.
"Fred, I have some bad news for you, and I really don't know how to tell you. I've rerun all the tests and double checked the results. You are going to die of cancer. There is no cure for what you have. You have about 6 to 8 weeks to live."
"Well Doc, I am glad you told me straight out though. Now I can get all my personal affairs in order."
The doctor felt badly about Fred and the next day was at the gym when he heard two guys talking. "Did you hear about Fred?" "Yeah, I heard that he is dying of AIDS!"
This really upset the doctor and he rushed over to a telephone to call Fred.
"Hello Fred? Did you understand what I told you yesterday?"
"Of course Doc. I am dying of cancer and have 6 to 8 weeks to live."
"But I just heard two of your friends say you were dying of more...

People who start using tanning beds before age 30 are 75 percent more likely to get cancer. They are also 40 percent more likely to be stopped by the police.

A guy gos to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says,"Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news. The guy says "well gimme the worst news first." The doc says well sir you have Cancer.The guy says "thats terrible news, but whats the bad news?" The doc says well sir you also have Alzheimers disease. And the guy says well, at least I dont have Cancer.

One day a boy said to his mom, "I'm a Picses, what are you?"
The the mom answered, "Cancer."
The boy then asked in a shocked state, "You killed Grandma?"