Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together until her husband can get out. She's not, however, very good at farm work, so she writes a letter to him in jail: "Dear sweetheart, I want to plant the potatoes. When is the best time to do it?" The farmer writes back: "Honey, don't go near that field. That's where all my guns are buried." But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail is censored. So when the sheriff and his deputies read this, they all run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging, they don't find one single weapon. The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."

It was this little girl's first day of school, and the teacher asked her what her name was.
She replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?"
And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all.
After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?"

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car.
Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps. So he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his willy and withdraw as soon as he feels the wasp.
The honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor, and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion.
So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage.
The doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with more...

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"
He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.
He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left. The wife was curious. "What are you doing, honey?" she asked.
"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

A newlywed couple returned from their honeymoon and moved into the upstairs apartment they had rented from the groom's parents.
That night, the groom's mother woke her husband up. "Honey, listen!" she whispered. He listened and could hear the bed upstairs creaking in rhythm.
"Come on, honey! Let's make love," she said. So, he climbed on top of his wife and the two of them made love.
Just as he was trying to fall back to sleep, the bed upstairs began to creak in rhythm again. "Come on, honey!" his wife said. "Let's make love again."
Once again, he climbed on top of his wife and made love to her as hard as he could.
As he was trying to fall back to sleep about 15 minutes later, again the bed upstairs began to creak in rhythm. "Come on, honey!" urged his wife. "Let's do it again!"
He grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling as he yelled, "Kids! Please! Cut it out! You're killing your old man down more...

While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. "You know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.
She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"
He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort. He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.
The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?"
He shouted "I'm looking for loopholes!"