Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you more...

This joke is about Native Americans; no offense intended, hope none is taken. Native American Indian legend has it that many years ago, before the domination of the White Man, there existed a tribe that lived in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. And in this tribe, the Chief had decided that the time had come for his only daughter, the beautiful Wild Honey, to marry.
Now in this tribe, selection of a mate for the daughter of a chief involved a kind of round-robin competition among the eligible braves to determine who was the bravest, the strongest, the best hunter and provider. From the preliminary rounds, two great contenders emerged - the fast and powerful Running Water, and the bold and handsome Falling Rocks.
The final event of the competition would decide the winner. Each brave was given exactly seven days to prepare the traditional BTFTLOOTGO - "bridal tepee for the Little One of the Great One." The winner would be the brave who built the better tepee and more...

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly awasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coaton her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then hemakes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examiningher, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps sohe says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it outby putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as hefeels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife'sscreaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the generalpanic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor sayshe'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, sothe doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on andinstantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug thewife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues withvigour. The more...

I'M GOING FISHING"
Translated: I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY", OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I more...

Grandpa and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.

With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?" Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
''Hello?'' says a little girl's voice.
''Hi, honey, it's Daddy,'' says Bob.' 'Is Mommy near the phone?''
''No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.'' After a brief pause, Bob says,' 'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!''
''Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!''
''Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house.''
''Okay, Daddy!'' A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.' 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy.''
''And what happened?''
''Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, more...

A woman goes to Italy to attend a two week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl!!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks, "So, honey, how the trip was?"
"Very good, thank you."
"And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!" "Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"