Honeymoon Jokes / Recent Jokes
Women - You Know the Honeymoon Is Over When. ..
15. Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.
14. Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.
13. PMS lasts all month.
12. Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.
11. "Honey, what are you thinking?" is now "Are you finished yet?!"
10. He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work.
9. Dildos, S & M, menage. .. anything to break the monotony.
8. You used to walk hand in hand, now you run to keep up.
7. Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.
6. Two weeks no orgasm.
5. Three weeks no orgasm. .. and you still don't miss it.
4. When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.
3. You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator.
2. The way he breathes is getting on your nerves.
And the number one sign the honeymoon is over. ..
1. You more...
A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon, but when the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. so every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. in the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15. this went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. the shot killed all the germs inside her except for three, and these three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. one germ said,' I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot, I don't think the antibiotics will find me there'. A second exclaimed,' I am going to hide behind her right ear, I don't think they'll find me there.' The last germ said,' I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!'
Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend). Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door. Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring. Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without. Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years. Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy... by remaining a bachelor. Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do... but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on. Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a toast to your new bride who has more...
A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, "That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?"The husband replied "Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.""That's nice honey" she replied, "What did it look like after you rooted it?""Like a bulldog eating porridge" the husband replied.
To celebrate their silver anniversary, a couple went to Niagara Falls and asked a motel clerk for a room. "We only have the honeymoon suite available," she told them.
"My wife and I've been married 25 year," the man said. "We don't need the honeymoon suite."
"Look, buddy," replied the clerk. "I might rent you Yankee Stadium, but you don't have to play baseball in it!"
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 back".