Horse Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buya horse, I'm sending him over."The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male orfemale horse."A female horth," the midget replies.So the owner shows him one."Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse s mouth."Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?"So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes."Ok, what about the earsth?"Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget onemore time and shows the ears."OK, finally, I d like to see her twat," said the midget.With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head upthe horse's twat, then pulled him out.Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase.I'd like to see her run!"

A cavalry batallion has just been assigned a new Sargeant. The guy is a mean s.o.b. who wants to whip the troops into shape. He commands that they clean up the base.
Right before he leaves, the sargeant sees this ratty old nasty horse and says, "And for God's sakes... get rid of this old horse".
Later that night a private comes to the sargeant and pleads his case. "Sarge, I know that old horse is nasty but there's no women around and the old horse is the only thing we got."
The sargeant sympathizes and allows them to keep the horse. A few weeks later the sarge is gettin' the old itch, so he decides he's gonna' give it a shot. He says, "Private... prepare the horse".
He gets up on a stool and really has his way with this horse. When he finishes he says, "So private, is that the way the men do it?"
The private responds, "Well Sir... we usually ride it into town to the whorehouse but I guess that could work too..."

A blonde walks up to a horse and gets on, suddenly the horse takes off, galloping wildly. The blonde falls off and get her foot stuck in the stirrup! The horse keeps going and the blonde is bouncing along the ground, screaming for help. Then, the Wal-mart employee comes out and unplugs the horse.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar more...

Why are chorus girls like barge horses? They have to tow the line!

On
Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at
a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny
new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got
there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that
bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid
a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took th
The cop said, "e ticket, but before he rode off
he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you
got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure
did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to
put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Back in the days of the old Wild Wild West lived a guy named Red who used to have a lot of fun. He rode into town like he usually did every Saturday night, and he went into the saloon and got drunk. All of his friends saw him drinking and decided to play a trick on him. So they went outside and turned the saddle on his horse around. That way they figured when he got outside drunk and they put him on there, he would get on home the best way he could! So when it was time, he got real drunk and staggered outside, got up on his horse and rode off.
The next morning when he woke up he says, "My goodness!"
And his wife says, "What's a matter dear, don't you feel alright?"
He said, "Yeah, but I sure had a tough time getting home last night."
"Some son of a gun cut my horses head off, and I had to guide him all the way home with my finger sticking in his windpipe!"