Horse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!

The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"
Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with more...

Here are two versions of the same story-
A certain man was passing through a small town and wanted to upgrade his mode of transportation. So he looked all around this small town he was in and found that the only place he could buy a faster means of transportation was at the local monastery. They had a horse for sale there for quite a deal. When the man was leaving the monastery with his new horse the monk that was sold him the horse said "Now all you have to remember is- When you want the horse to move all you need to say is 'Hallelujah' and when you want it to stop say 'Amen.'" The man then gave the monk a half acknowledged nod and continued on his way.
After several miles the man sneezed and spooked the horse. The horse started running faster and faster. Then the man noticed a cliff ahead of him and stared to panic and said a prayer when the traveler said "Amen" the horse stopped right on the edge of the cliff. Then the man shouted and Praised God saying more...

"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!"

A ventriloquist was driving through farm country one day when his car breaks down. He walks up to a nearby farm and asks the farmer if he can call a tow truck. The farmer said sure and the call was made. While waiting for the truck to arrive the ventriloquist asks the farmer for a tour. The farmer says sure thing and off they go. The first pen they come to is the pigs. The ventriloquist decides to have a little fun and throws his voice into the pig pen. As they are standing there the guy asks the pig "Pig how does the farmer here treat ya"? the pig replies "Well he feeds me garbage, but that's ok. He may end up eating one day but that's ok too" The farmer looks agast at the pig and says "Well that durn pig has never done that before" The ventriloquist smiles. The next pen they come to is the Horse stable. The Guy turns to the horse and asks "Mr. Horse, how is your life around this farm"? The horse says "Well he hooks me up to a plow and more...

So there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they were running from the police but all they could find was a barn. They were in a hurry to hide so the brunette hid in the horse's stable, the redhead hid in a tree, and the blonde hid behind a few boxes of oranges. When the policemen came to the barn, they went to the horses stable and the policeman heard something.
"Wait!" he said. "I hear breathing!"
But the brunette went, "Neigh! Neigh!"
"Oh, it's just a horse," the policeman said. Then he walked around and came upon a tree and heard breathing.
"Stop!" he said. "I hear breathing in the tree!"
"Caww! Caww!" went the redhead.
"Oh, it's just a bird," said the policeman. Next, the policemen came upon a barn with a stack of boxes of oranges.
"Wait!" Said the policeman. "I hear breathing!"
Then the blonde said "I'm an orange! I'm an orange!"

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon."Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?""Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips." "And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked. "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."