Hospital Jokes / Recent Jokes
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000." The client asked, "What? How's that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the hell happened?" Still staring down, the drunk replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!
There was this maniac who just escaped out of prison, he went home and he got his shotgun and he wanted to do a drive by. He was driving anlong and he saw a car he shot at the car, inside was a pregant ladie that was going to the hospital to have triplets. Well when she got to the hospital they couldnt fine anything. So she had her 3 boys. 13 years later the first boy ask her mom, mom why im I peeing out bullets, she said its a long story I tell you later. The second boy comes in and goes mom why am i peeing out bullets, long story tell you later. The thrid boy comes in and goes mom... Mom goes i know i know why are you peeing out bullets, no actully i was jacking off and i shot the dog.
The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book.
"What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting," the nurse exclaimed.
"I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby," the new mother replied.
"You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby."
"You don't understand," the woman said and frowned. "My baby already has a FIRST name!"
An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The more...
The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book."What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting," the nurse exclaimed."I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby," the new mother replied."You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby.""You don't understand," the woman said and frowned. "My baby already has a FIRST name!"
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and more...