Hour Jokes / Recent Jokes

Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?
3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light more...

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for heads, and no for tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

Why is it called rush hour when everything moves so slow?
Why do they call then express lanes when during rush hour everything is stopped?
Why is abreviation such a long word?
If sour milk is used to make yogurt, how do you know when yogurt has gone bad?
Why do they report power outages on TV?

A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sex. The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get in from work.
An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't be in for another two and a half hours.
In a panic, he phoned the doctor. "What should I do?" he asked. "I've taken the pill but the effects will have worn off by the time my wife gets home."
"I see," said the doctor. "It is a pity to waste it. Do you have a maid?" "Yes." "Well, could you not occupy yourself with her instead?"
"But I don't need Viagra with the maid."

Arizona
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN:
- You've signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can't
remember the name of the incumbent.
- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
- You can say Hohokam and people don't think you're laughing funny.
- You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the
Salt River.
- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
- You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
- You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over
100 degrees.
- You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
- You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your
car.
- You can make sun tea instantly.
- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use
your fireplace.
- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of
distance.
- more...

Three guys were challenged by a girl who said, "Whoever can make me scream the most gets $100. The white guy goes in and comes back out in a half hour and says, "Damn! I just couldn't make her scream." The black guy goes in for an hour but comes out saying, "Man, it is just not possible!" Finally the Chinese guy goes in with a smile on his face. He returns after 10 minutes and forty screams. Both the other guys say, "How in Hell did you do that?" "Me play old trick," he says, "put hot sauce on my poker!

Georgia peaches - California grown - 89 cents lb. Nice parachute - never opened - used once - slightly stainedWhirlpool built in oven -- frost free! Frozen Soft & Gentle bath tissue - 4 rolls 99 cents American flag - 60 stars - pole included - $100 Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour. Notice: to person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near Southridge Storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vincinity are dead.