Hour Jokes / Recent Jokes

NBC is in talks to extend the "Today" show to four hours so the show would end at 11 a.m. instead of 10 a.m. Initially, the 3rd hour of "Today" was created as counter-programming to ABC’s "Live with Regis and Kelly."
An additional hour is particularly exciting because that would give viewers an extra hour to NOT watch the show.

1. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously
rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.2. My stigmata's acting up.3. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?4. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet.5. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.6. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Bears, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.7. I just found out that I was more...

This guy loved living in Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or so wandering the deserted streets of lower Manhattan.

So, when he spotted a ferry no more than fifteen feet from the dock, he decided he wouldn't subject himself to an hour's wait. He made a running leap and landed on his hands and knees, a little bruised maybe, but safe on deck.

He got up, brushed himself off, and announced proudly to a bystander, "Well, I made that one, didn't I?"

"Sure did," the bystander said. "But you should have waited a minute or two. The ferry is just about to dock."

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children:
Feeling the Baby Move
First child: I placed my hand on my wife's tummy every chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby move. Hour after hour I waited until that magic moment when I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.
Second child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in all of our letter to our family.
Third child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it our during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.
Fourth child: We were in bed and I more...

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many
people were forced to stand.
One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her
and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm
going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay
check in my pocket."
"Oh really" she spat. "then you must be doing quiet good in your job,
because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."

A Pakistani dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Pakistani hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Pakistani devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is more...