Hubby Jokes / Recent Jokes

Jayme and Bob have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Bob came home from work saying he'd invited four friends from the office home for dinner on Friday.
Jayme is a bit apprehensive as she asks if she must cook a meal for them all. Bob explains that there will actually be eight coming, as each has a spouse or date. Since this is her first party, he consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake. This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get.
Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six. Hubby says, "why don't you just double the recipe?" She decides that is a good idea.
At four, hubby gets another phone call - this time quite frantic. "I just can't do it," wifely weeps. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, their recipe calls for more...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"? After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try... on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that? The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity more...

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Mr. & Mrs. Smith have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Mr. Smith comes home from work and says that he has invited four of his friends from the office home for dinner on Friday night. The wife is a bit apprehensive and asks if she must cook a meal for the four. The husband explains that there will be eight coming because each will bring his wife.
Since this is there first party, the husband consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake.
This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get.
Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six.
Hubby says, "Why don't you just double the recipe?" She decides that is a good idea.
At four, hubby gets another phone call - this time quite frantic.
"I just can't do it," wifey weeps. "It's impossible."
"Now, now, more...

We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and more...

There were these two women who were friends and neighbours. One noticed that the other always seemed to have lots of new goodies; jewelry, furs, latest fashions, frequent hair salon trips & manicures, etc. She asked:" how do you get all that great stuff?" " I do it by charging my husband five dollars every time we have sex", she said; "and you can do the same, it really adds up. But you must remain firm. Don't let him talk you into accepting less, don't let him coax you into doing it for no charge". " Great", she said, "that sounds easy, I'll do it". So, the next time her hubby wanted to have sex, she said: "from now on, you have to give me five dollars each time we have sex" She also told him why. "Oh, I see", he said; "okay". He then went to get the money, but realized that he had only $4. 50 She refused to accept it: "If we have sex you must give me the full amount, five bucks". He said: more...