Hubby Jokes / Recent Jokes

Husband and wife were out shopping. After an indecent time of traipsing through malls into all sorts of shops, dear hubby was getting rather annoyed and wanted to get home. How was he going to stop his wife shopping? I know, he thought, I'll get her angry and she'll pack it in!

As they were walking through another shop he said to her, "You know, your butt is as big as a combine harvester." He got no response and the shopping continued.

Frustrated he said in the next shop, "You know dear, I think I was wrong. Your butt is as big as two combines!" Well, that did the trick and she packed it in.

Later that night when things had cooled down and they were in bed, hubby started to feel a little amorous and asked his wife, "How about it?"

Her reply was, "If you think I'm going to start up a million dollars worth of equipment to process half a corn cob you've got another thing coming!!"

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"?
After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try...on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that? The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my more...

A woman is looking to re-enter the work force, now that her kids are all grown up. But before applying anywhere she goes tae the doctors' fae a wee physical before takin' oan a new joab. When she returns her hubby notices she's just bustin' wi' pride and all chuffed.
So he says; "What's all this about?"
She says, "I've just been tae the doctors' and he said I've got the body of a twenty year old, and the heart of a 16 year old".
To which her hubby fires back..."What about your 50 year old ass?"
"Your name never came up." She replies!