Impressed Jokes / Recent Jokes
A redhead, brunette and a blond went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, the redhead got bored and went to the small fishbowl in the middle of the room where a goldfish swam around happily.
The redhead stared at the goldfish and the fish also stared back. After 1 minute, the redhead tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The brunette saw this trick, was impressed and asked the redhead how she did it. "Easy", replied the redhead. "It's just mind over matter."
So, the brunette stared at the fish and the fish also stared back. After 3 minutes, the brunette tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The blond, seeing this trick, was also impressed and asked the brunette how she did it. "Easy", replied the brunette. "It's just mind over more...
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.
He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."
The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.
The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to more...
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him, he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to the colourful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is retty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.
The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night."
The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."
The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to more...
I heard this one a few years ago in East Germany...
Erich Honnecker (the president of East Germany) was invited to Moscow
by Gorbachev for a visit. After weeks of preparation by Gorby,
Honnecker arrives in Moscow. As part of of celebration activities,
there is a big parade through the streets of Moscow.
While the two are watching the parade, Gorbachev takes a small boy
aside and asks him, "Who is your mother?" The child replies, "Mother
Russia." "And who is your father?" asks Gorbachev. The boy answers,
"Why, it's you Uncle Gorbachev!" Finally Gorbachev asks the boy, "and
what do you want to be when you grow up?" The boy proudly replies,
"a good communist!"
Erich Honnecker, meanwhile, has been watching this and is very
impressed. So impressed, that he decides to invite Gorbachev to
[East] Berlin for a visit. Again, after weeks of preparation,
Gorbachev's plane lands in more...
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, Theres a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy. The Scot is not impressed and says, Thats nothing! In the Highlands every time you buy a drink the landlord buys you five. At this point the Englishman is fairly impressed. The Irishman, totally unimpressed, says Thats nothing. In Dublin theres this pub where the landlord buys your drinks all night, and then when the bar shuts he takes you into a room and makes love to you. The Scot and Englishman are well impressed and ask if the Irishman goes there a lot. He replies No, but my sister told me about it.
A fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.
At a kennel specializing in this particular need, the Jesus Saves Breeders, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home, all the while praising the Lord for delivering this animal to them.
That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.
The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
Well, they said, "Let's try this out."
Once more they more...
Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring. The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O. K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere." On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway. On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...