Improvements Jokes

One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night with her." To their surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll take you up on that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his companion 'good night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight to bed. The following morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her money."If you don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those grounds!" The next day, he was surprised to receive a summons ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed to his atorney and explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't possibly get a more...

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gone down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier
and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the
engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts
designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it
going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and
flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going
to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never
have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an more...

This frog is outgrowing his lily pad and decides he would like to make some home improvements. But, he doesn't have the money, so he decides to try and get a loan.
He goes to the bank and asks to borrow money. He takes a seat at loan officer Patricia Black's desk and explains his dilemma. "I want to upgrade my lily pad, maybe add another wing, but I don't have the cash and that's why I'm here. Can you lend me the money?"
"Maybe yes, maybe no...what can you offer as collateral?"
"Collateral? What's that?"
"Well, collateral," explains Ms. Black, "is something of value you put up against the possiblity of default."
"Well," says the frog, "All I've got is this paperweight...you shake it up and it snows on the little village. Cute, huh?"
"Hmmm... I don't know. I'll have to speak to my manager."
She enters her manager's office.' Mr. Bitterby, I've got a frog at my desk who more...