Inch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Another guy walks into a bar with a one foot man sitting on his shoulder.
He ordered a beer.
The bartender was curious as he got the beer for the guy, but as he put the beer down on the bar, before the gut could reach it, the little man lept off his shoulder and picked up the beer and dumped it in the guys lap.
The guy sighs and asks for a shot of whisky.
As soon as the glass hits the bar, the little man threw the drink in the guts face and smashed the shot glass against the wall.
"I have to know... where did you get that guy?"
"Well... I'll tell you... I was walking on the beach, saw a brass lamp, rubbed it, and a geenie came out. He said I could have one wish. I asked for a twelve inch prick and this is what I got..."

There is a girl in her bedroom and her father opens the door and see's her with a 10 inch dildo in her hand. He asks her what it's for and she says "You know dad, I'm pretty ugly and not very appealing to men at all and I have to get my pleasure somehow." So he just closes the door and leaves the room. One week later, the girl walks into the father's den and sees him standing there with a drink in one hand and the 10 inch dildo in the other. She say's "Dad, what are you doing with that!" And the father say's "I'm having a drink with my son-in-law!"

Give the anarchists an inch, and the next thing you know, they want to be in charge!

Once there were three men who were going to be executed with the guillotine during the French Revolution. The first man was a mathmatician, the second man was an artist, and the third man was a engineer.
The police led the mathmatician up and told him to say his last words. He said, "I will always die for my country." The men led him to the guillotine. The blade stopped an inch from his neck. The police said that it must be the will of God that the mathmatician would not die.
The same thing happened to the artist. His last words were, "I will always die for my country." He was led to the guillotine and the blade stopped an inch from his neck. The police said that it must be the will of God that the artist would not die.
When the police led the engineer up and told him to say his last words, he said, "I think I know how to fix the guillotine."

An Italian, an American, and a Polak were captured by the French for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine.
The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words. The Italian replies, "I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live." They drop the blade it it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the French let him go.
Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words. He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy." They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go free.
Then the Polak is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words.
He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope."

A Confuciousism: Out in the mountains there was this stream, beautiful stream in it was a Trout. As the trout was swimming he saw a little fly, swimming he thought to himself; If only that little fly would fly a half inch lower. I could jump out and get the fly, it'll be something to eat. In the distance there was this bear, a great Grizzly, the grizzly, thinking to himself; the same thing, if only that fly would be a half inch lower, the trout would eat the fly and I could eat the fish, It'll be something to eat. Sitting on a stone there was a hunter, a mighty hunter, who was peering out through his scope at that great grizzly barrel pointing at his head. He then starts thinking if only that stinking fly would fly a half inch lower, the trout would eat the fly the bear would eat the fish and I could shoot the bear, it'll be something to eat. Underneath that stone was a field mouse, a scrawny little field mouse, smelling the hunters sandwich he gets excited, he too thinking the same more...

Bill and Hilary Clinton were the guests of honour at the World Marching Girl and Drum Majorette Championships in New York.
Hillary noticed that Bill had a smile on his face, so she asked, "Well honey, what are you smiling at?"
Bill replied, "Honey, if I had another inch, I'd be out there making love to the lot of them."
A big smile came across Hillary's face. Bill said, "What are you smiling about?" Hillary replied, "Bill, if you had one inch less, you'd be out there marching with them."