Inch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.."I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter."Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster.""I got it from my genie.""You have a genie?" he asked."Yes, he's right here in my pocket.""Could I see him?"He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?""Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on more...

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster lighter?" "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie?" "Yes, right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie. The friend asks the genie, "Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will" the genie replies. The friend asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" He more...

This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.

Beware of...

THE CLINTON Virus....
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)

THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus....
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus....
(Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)

THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....
(Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC virus....
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor more...

A poor fellow who lost his penis in an auto accident. The male members of his family were well endowed, and each volunteered to donate one inch.

One week after the operation, the doctor found him crying in his hospital room and asked if there was a problem with his handiwork.

The man tearfully answered,

"It's almost perfect, but why did you put Grandpa's inch in the middle?"

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?" The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said' Turn around'."

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints.
The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said' Turn around'."

when asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
you look for the undo command after making a mistake.
you disdain people who use low baud rates.
you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.
you can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.
you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
you see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have no idea it is referring to drugs.
you know more...