Indicates Jokes

Two golfers join up at the first tee and each explains that due to a psychological problem, they play slightly differently than most golfers. The soon learn that they both have the same doctor who has prescribed a game of golf using an imaginary golf ball to reduce stress. And so they tee off with their imaginary balls. After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less then eagles, birdies and pars, they reach the 18th hole.. The first one indicates because they are equal in their score that he should hit first. So he tees off with his imaginary ball. "Look at that, a beautiful shot just on the edge of the green" The second guy hits his imaginary ball and indicates that it has also landed on the edge next to the other ball. The first guy lines up and drains his 20-footer to the bottom of the cup. "You wouldn't believe it, my ball just rolled into the cup, I win." The second guy responds, "You won't believe it either, you just hit my ball."

A team of archaeologists discovered a slab of rock with five figures carved on it, in the following order:
A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David.
Following months of study, the team leader took the rock on a lecture tour. He said that although the carvings were thousands of years old, they revealed a great deal about the people of that time.
The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicates that women were held in very high esteem - most likely a family oriented culture.
The donkey was probably used to till their fields. The shovel indicates they were highly intelligent, since they knew how to make tools. The fish reveals they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. The Star of David, of course, indicates they were a very religious group of people.
A little old man seated in the front row managed to get the speaker's attention. When acknowledged, he said, "I apologize for blowing your conclusions, more...

string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.
detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed.
glissando: a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
subito piano: indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra player to become a soloist.
risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain the correct tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.
senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a few measures back.
preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i. e., sing, or else....
crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
conductor: a musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
clef: something to jump from before the viola solo.

The following are strange error messages you can get Unix to generate.
They were culled during the summer of 1988 from rec.humor. As
we all know, real error messages have two parts: a message code, and a
return code. Ideally, the message code is hexadecimal, the return code
is octal, and the manual explaining the error messages uses decimal.
But Unix (tm), in keeping with its characteristic lexical confusion,
produces error messages which, although designed to make the system
appear sentient, and conversational, ultimately make the system seem as
stupid as it is. Note that the '%' prompt indicates that the command
should be issued from the C shell, and the '$' prompt indicates the
Bourne shell. Enjoy.
% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent
% ar m God
ar: God does not exist
% "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence?
Unmatched ."
% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
% ^How did the sex change^ more...

A very devout nun dies and goes to heaven. Upon arrival she is greeted with ceremony and honor and told she may immediately have any wish she chooses while her place is prepared for her.

She humbly and politely replies that she would like an audience with Holy Mary, if this is possible. Peter agrees on the spot and escorts her personally to a little door, hitherto unnoticed in the great vault of the firmament.

He knocks softly. There's a murmured reply from within and he opens the door and indicates to his guest to enter. Within, sitting in a plain chair is a middle-aged Jewish woman in the garb of the first century knitting.

The nun sits reverently for some time at Mary's feet and finally gestures so as to ask a question. Mary looks up from her knitting and indicates it is OK to ask. "Reverend Mother, please tell me, you were chosen from all women to be the mother of God, you a simple Jewish woman I know, but if you could, just give me an inkling more...