Ingredients Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:

1. 532. 35 cm3 gluten

2. 4. 9 cm3 NaHCO3

3. 4. 9 cm3 refined halite

4. 236. 6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride

5. 177. 45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11

6. 177. 45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11

7. 4. 9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde

8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein

9. 473. 2 cm3 theobroma cacao

10. 236. 6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous more...

After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists havediscovered the secret ingredients to Viagra! VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!) 3% Vitamin E 2% aspirin 2%ibuprofen 1% Vitamin C... and. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 92% Fix-A-Flat!

DOS Beer -- Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available. Mac Beer -- At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan. Windows 3. 1 Beer -- The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to more...

Sardarji happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story. The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients
Viz. Religion, ***, suspense and mystery.
Sardarji's turn came after many attempts by others. Sardarji gave a story, which was just one sentence and read:
"oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the sardarji whether it contained all the four ingredients! !
Sardarji replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
Oh god: religion
My wife: ***
Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
"okay.... But where is the mystery? " asked one of the organizers.
The sardar replied: who is the father? ?
Sardarji was declared the winner for writing the shortest story!

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1. 532. 35 cm3 gluten
2. 4. 9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4. 9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236. 6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177. 45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177. 45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4. 9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473. 2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236. 6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten more...

Viagra Ingredients
They have finally released the ingredients in Viagra:
3% vitamin E
2% aspirin
2% ibuprofen
1% vitamin C
92% Fix-a-Flat

Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the waste bin.
Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own more...