Injured Jokes / Recent Jokes
A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He submitted the following report to his editor. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."
The Editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!"
The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her (. )(. ) "
The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in house fires.
You might be a redneck if...
Your clawfoot bathtub sometimes serves as a hospital for injured fowl.
You have ever come home and heard a ruckus in the bathroom. When you looked in, one of the injured fowl had escaped, found the chicken in the mirror, and was currently fighting with said chicken.
There have ever been any gun parts, magazines, or ammunition stored on the window ledge of your kitchen. Particularly if they have if they have laid there long enough for the sun to bleach the paper on the shotgun shells.
Any part of your driveway has ever been unusable due to nesting fowl.
One or more doors to your house or trailer are periodically unusable due to nesting fowl.
The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.
You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.
You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your more...
Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday morning. It was Woods' shortest drive since an errant tee shot at the US Open.
The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling from ladders and stepstools while trying to replace smoke detector batteries than are injured in house fires.
New statistics from Australian Bureau of Statistics:
3 people die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 people were injured in 1998 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 people are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 people had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 people were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 people were injured more...
A young reporter was sent on his first assignment.
He sent in the following report to the office -
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her breasts."
The editor scolded the new reporter, "This is a family paper. we don't use words like 'breasts' around here. Go back and write something more appropriate!"
The young reporter thought for a few minutes, and finally sent in this report -
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with cuts on her ( . ) ( . )."