Recovering Jokes

Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was down on his luck,
and as he was looking through the classifieds, he saw an
intriguing ad offering a ten million dollar reward to the person
who could find and retrieve, intact, something called a "tis
bottle."
Having nothing to lose, he calls the man who placed the ad. "I
absolutely must have this bottle, and there are only three
surviving in the world," the wealthy man tells him, "one is in
the heart of the deepest jungle, one is at the bottom of the
coldest, darkest sea, and one is at the top of the highest
mountain. I will pay your expenses for however long it takes to
bring me one of these bottles, as well as giving you the ten
million."
Being an adventurous fellow, he decides to accept the offer.
First, he gathers a retinue of guides and hunters to go with him
into the jungle. He studies for months to prepare, and when he
is more...

Senator John Kerry, recovering from prostate surgery, was told it would be six weeks before he could be sexually active.
John Edwards called to wish Kerry well.
Al Sharpton called Kerry to offer prayers.
Howard Dean called with encouragement on recovery.
Bill Clinton called Teresa.

A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor.
"Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."
The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!"
The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )"

An elderly gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. When he arrived, the waiting room was filled with patients.
He approached the receptionist, who was a large, burly woman, and gave her his name. In a bellowing voice, the receptionist said, "Oh yes, I see your name here. You're here to see the doctor regarding your impotence problem, right?"
The heads of all the patients in the waiting room immediately snapped around to look at the very embarrassed man.
Recovering quickly, and in an equally loud voice, the man replied, "Actually, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... and I'd like the same doctor that did yours."

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.