Inner Jokes / Recent Jokes

A most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her.

To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh-very high up. “Right here, ” she says, “I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ‘Thanksgiving’ under it. ”
Then she points to her right inner thigh-just as high up-and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ‘Christmas. ’”
The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, “Lady, it’s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that? ”
“Well, ” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good more...

A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender "Does this look like Mike Tyson?" Bartender says "No."
She then asks "Does this look like Evander Holifield?" Bartender says "Nope sorry."
She's says "Well I want another opinion." She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her inner right thigh and asks him "Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?"
Drunk guy says "No." She points to her inner left thigh and asks "Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?"
Drunk guy says "No but the one in the middle looks like Don King."

This lady went to a tattoo artist and told him she wanted a turkey tattooed on the upper most inner side of her left thigh. He had seen weirder so he didn't think too much about it. Then she wanted a Santa tattooed on the upper most inner side of her right thigh. After he finished the last tattoo, he just couldn't help asking her, "Why the turkey and Santa?" She replied, "I'm tired of my husband complaining that there is nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!"

All my friends:

Someone sent me an article that said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things you've started. It is definitely working for me.

I am now making a point of always finishing what I start, and I think I am well on my way toward finding inner peace. Because I care for you, I am passing this wisdom on to you.


Here are the things that I have finished today:

- Two bags of potato chips,
- a strawberry cheesecake,
- a package of Oreo's,
- a bottle of wine, and
- a large box of chocolates.

I think this really works because I feel better already!!!

Pass this along to everyone you know who may need Inner Peace

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "Id like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didnt last year."

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!"

So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Somehow drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?"

The second blonde replies,"They didn't last year...."

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!". She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating. A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on this cruise? The second blonde replies, " They didn't last year."