Insert Jokes / Recent Jokes

A local bank is very pleased to announce that they are installing
new Drive-thru ATMs where their customers will be able withdraw cash withoutleaving their vehicle.
Male and Female procedures have been
tailored to best reflect the behaviours of those particular groupings.
PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Open the car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Close window
7. Drive away
PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:
1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Open the car window
5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card
6. Turn radio down & end call on cell phone
7. Attempt to insert card into ATM
8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to more...

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of
the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The
oven will calculate the more...

Instructions for Microsoft's TV Dinner:
First, you must remove the plastic cover. In doing so, you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner as this would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights. However, you may allow others to smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Now, set the oven using the following keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner which are found on the package label, the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking, then press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and more...

Instructions for the guys:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert Card
3. Enter PIN
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away
Instructions for the Gals:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions
11. Hit "CANCEL"
12. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. more...

Instructions for the guys:1. Pull up to ATM2. Insert Card3. Enter PIN4. Take cash, card and receipt5. Drive awayInstructions for the Gals:1. Pull up to ATM2. Back up and pull forward to get closer3. Shut off engine4. Put keys in purse5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine6. Hunt for card in purse7. Insert card8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it9. Enter PIN10. Study instructions11. Hit "CANCEL"12. Re-enter correct PIN13. Check balance14. Look for envelope15. Look in purse for pen16. Make out deposit slip17. Endorse checks18. Make deposit19. Study instructions20. Make cash withdrawal21. Get in car 22. Check makeup23. Look for keys24. Start car25. Check makeup26. Start pulling away27. Stop28. Back up to machine29. Get out of car30. Take card and receipt31. Get back in car32. Put card in wallet33. Put receipt in checkbook34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook36. Check makeup37. Put more...

How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won't close. How do you know there are *three* elephants in your fridge? There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini. How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge? By the footprints in the butter.

HIS:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away
HERS:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Back up and pull forward to get closer
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it.
9. Enter PIN
10. Study instructions.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. Stop
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and more...