Institution Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":* The Engagement Ring* The Wedding Ring* The Suffe-Ring* The Endu-Ring

Here is a great letter from MIT to a prospective student and that student's response.


Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.

But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.

The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!

Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.

What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life more...

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them.Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994 Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567 Dear John: You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised.
Most students would be. But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective
universities in America. The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention! Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, more...

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.
I want a husband who is decent, God-fearing, well-educated, smart, sincere, respectful, treats me as an equal, has a great body, and has the same interests in life as me. Now I don't think that's too much to ask of a billionaire, do you?
I was engaged myself once. To a contortionist. But she broke it off.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
John, you know I can't marry you. You are an accountant. I prefer a man who builds things, who makes things, like an engineer who...makes half-a-million dollars a year...
Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.
Life's a bitch, and then you marry one.
Life sucks...and then you marry someone more...

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.I want a husband who is decent, God-fearing, well-educated, smart, sincere, respectful, treats me as an equal, has a great body, and has the same interests in life as me. Now I don't think that's too much to ask of a billionaire, do you? I was engaged myself once. To a contortionist. But she broke it off.If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.John, you know I can't marry you. You are an accountant. I prefer a man who builds things, who makes things, like an engineer who...makes half-a-million dollars a year...Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.Life's a bitch, and then you marry one.Life sucks...and then you marry someone who doesn't! Look the bride in the eye more...